Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
