I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can you bring me the toilet please
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
