All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
