Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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