Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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