if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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