Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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