Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize