were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
