You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
