my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
