he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
