I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
