she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
