Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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