Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
