did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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