My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
