I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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