Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
