how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
