Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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