Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
