that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
