Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
