saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
