The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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