Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
