Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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