12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
