Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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