my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
