He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
