is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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