Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
