Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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