Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
