dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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