I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
