she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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