I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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