I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
