I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
