I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
