I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
