I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
