I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he puts the penis in happiness.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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