My cat gives me a boner
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
