I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The power of my boobs compel you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
