i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
