Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im part way to drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize