he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
