My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
