Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
