I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
