Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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