Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
