my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
