I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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