everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
