First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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