Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dignity is for republicans.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
