we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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