i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
