Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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