Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
