he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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