What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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