tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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