why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
